For a long time I felt kind of lost and spent most of my days in search of myself.
I thought if I could just find my “thing” everything would get a little easier, seem a little brighter.
My daydreams told me it would be as easy as it looks in the movies. You know, girl tries to find herself, clumsily trips around a large artsy city, only to find herself in the right spot at the right time.
Only, nothing ever really happens like the movies, at least not the ones I watch. Somehow they always skip over all of the years of hard work and sacrifice. All of the years spent wondering if all of the effort will ever be worth it, while having enough faith to keep going.
I’ve spent the better part of my life searching for “myself.” It took me twenty-seven years to realize you don’t find yourself. That’s not remotely accurate. You must decide who you want to be. It’s a very deliberate process.
I had to ask myself, “do I like who I am when I’m alone with myself?”
At the time… the answer was no. I felt ashamed about so many of the things I had done. I felt embarrassed about the way I talked, and about the way I let my anger take over on far too many occasions.
I had to think about who I wanted to be. How would the best version of myself act under pressure? How would they treat the ones they loved? How would they act as a good friend? I had to make a deliberate decision to be that person without looking back.
Comfort can become an addiction. Success can be something people actually fear. You cannot afford to become trapped here. You must find the strength within yourself to push past fear and take action each day toward your truest identity.
Decide you’re going to take care of yourself.
Decide you’re going to be a good partner.
Decide you’re going to be a damn good friend.
Decide you’re going to master a skill.
Just decide. You don’t need to find yourself. If it’s a hobby or passion you’re looking for, try everything, and try them often. When you find something that feels good stick with it, become immersed in it, become a master. But don’t go in search of yourself, you are already here and you are already whole.
Who do you want to be? … Now decide to be it.
Remember: You are loved, you are worthy, and you are blessed… even when it doesn’t feel like it.